For My Son,
I remember being young and watching my friends parents smoke. I hated the smell. I didn’t understand why someone who is supposed to make good decisions would choose to smoke. Remember that feeling we had as kids that adults should be perfect?
As an early teen I fell in love with smoking. I loved the crave and reward. I loved the hand to mouth. At times I quit. Only if I didn’t have a choice, like boarding school or pregnancies, but I was always addicted. Cigarettes were my best friend.
At 36, I told my son I would quit. Dylan was 7. By the third day of quitting, I was nearly homicidal. My ability to be a loving parent was seriously questionable. My heart was breaking. How do I break this promise I made to my flesh and blood, but how is being this angry and irritable being a loving parent either. “Good enough argument” says the Camels in the drawer. I started back up amongst my sons tears.
Imagine him, Mom is a smoker despite a close to certain death by it. Her hugs and kisses are filled of smoky stench, and on top of all that she breaks her promises. I knew no matter how many times I apologized it would sting forever. Especially if they killed me. How do you say I love you while lighting up? I knew then what I always knew, I would forever be a smoker. I have said since then “I will never quit.”
March 2011, somehow it just popped in my head that I was going for the ecig. Hey, I can be a practicing non-smoker. No one thought it would work. I looked through sites and V2 Cigs was my choice. I told my son I was trying something new, but no promises. In the mail V2 comes I ripped that starter package open and just like 28 years ago, it was love from first hit. My first vape was April 2. I had over a carton and a half of camels. They all, and I mean all went to my roommate. About 7 days in the smell of smoke gagged me. My smokers cough was leaving and gone by 2 weeks. The best was I could go to my sons school without gum and perfume. I no longer had anything to hide.
“Thank you” V2 Cigs. “Thank you” myself. “Thank you” Dylan!!! You deserve to feel as safe and secure as possible. I am so happy I get to be healthier, you are happy with my decision, and I get to enjoy myself guilt free. I get to have it both ways. Don’t worry v2 I enjoy you too much to give up, unless my son asks me to.
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Tags: electronic cigarettes